Tag Archives: you know…

Ɵru

“It’s just where your paths are leading…his is going in one direction, and yours is going in another direction. They probably won’t end up in the same place, but that’s ok. That did not sound the way I intended. It was supposed to sound encouraging. Now it just sounds sad. Ok, that did not go where it was supposed to. Sorry.” So said Eva Thomas.

I can’t use my own words right now, so I will use someone else’s. This isn’t supposed to be super cryptic. It’s not like I am trying to reveal some hidden emotion or anything – I am not broken. I am not sad. I am not looking for anything. It’s just that everything seems to be up and I am a bit down, and these words work better than anything I can come up with right now.

There you were 
in your black dress
Moving slow
to the sadness

You’d hate the dark to prove the dawn
Need me no more and I’ll be gone


And our days pass like autumn wind
And the world spins around me again


So make your siren’s call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Because I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it’s meant to be

And I’ll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I’ll know my name as it’s called again

Dream of ways to make you understand my pain.

Push it in and twist the knife again.
Watch my face as I pretend to feel no pain, pain, pain.

Once you want it to begin, 
no one really ever wins.

I saw sinners making music
I’ve dreamt of that sound, dreamt of that sound

I was walking far from home
But I carried your letters all the while
I saw lovers in a window
Whisper, “Want me like time, want me like time”

Saw a boatful of believers sail off
Talking too loud, talking too loud
I saw sunlight on the water
Saw a bird fall like a hammer from the sky

I saw flowers on the hillside
And a millionaire pissing on the lawn
Saw a prisoner take a pistol
And say, “Join me in song, join me in song”


Saw a car crash in the country
Where the prayers run like weeds along the road
I saw strangers stealing kisses

And a pair of hearts carved into a stone
I saw kindness and an angel
Crying, “Take me back home, take me back home”


Saw a highway, saw an ocean
I saw widows in the temple to the law
Naked dancers in the city
How they spoke for us all, spoke for us all

I was walking far from home
Where the names were not burned along the wall
Saw a wet road form a circle
And it came like a call, came like a call
From the Lord


You will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home

Look at us spinning out in the madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like the devil in the church
In the middle of a crowded room
All we can do my love
Is hope we don’t take this ship down


The space between
What’s wrong and right
Is where you’ll find me hiding waiting for you



Three cheers for the humanities.

Shedabest.

The Nightingale.

The congratulatory Snapchat. (Sorry, Eva)

The sock bun. And my clean bed. And Santa.

Thank you, professor.

Wear your retainer and don’t drink, they said.

The best way out is always
always
always
through.

Advertisements

My Theory

“You look like a slutty Romanian.”

And I can’t change.



Even if I tried.


Even if I wanted to.

“It looks really attractive. It looks nothing like you.”


When everyone else is more comfortable remaining voiceless
Rather than fighting for humans that have had their rights stolen
I might not be the same, but that’s not important
No freedom till we’re equal, damn right I support it


Because there are never too many kisses.



Ruined my mind like a snake in the orchard.

So I was just walking into Starbucks, and a woman was standing outside and asked me is I had any spare cash because she needed to eat. I said no and went in to Starbucks and bought a tall coffee with two pumps of sugar free vanilla and a raspberry scone, and then I remembered that I made myself a peanut butter and jelly (organic peanut butter, grape jelly [I much prefer strawberry or raspberry but I take what I can get], and this awesome new bread my parents started buying) sandwich this morning to eat before yoga. So I sat down and asked the guy next to me to watch my stuff while I went to my car and got the sandwich to give it to her.

Me: Ms.? You said you needed food, would you like my sandwich? It’s peanut butter and jelly.

Woman: Oh, no thank you.

Me: But you said you needed something to eat, didn’t you?

Woman: Yeah, but I wanted to go to McDonald’s. [crinkle nose]

Me: Seriously? [raise one eyebrow and walk away]

You know…people are so disappointing. I really cannot believe this. My father said that something similar just happened to him at the airport when he picked up my mother at LaGuardia (I think…it may have been JFK, I don’t remember). Some guy was standing there saying he didn’t have a place to stay and he needed money or something, and so my father told him that he could go home with him and my mother and stay at our house. He said that he couldn’t because he had a flight from Pittsburgh or something the next day. Then my father said that he would drive him. The guy said no and thsta he just needed the money and I think he walked away.

I just- I mean, this is why the world has problems. It’s people like these that create the political, economic, social problems in the world. Selfish, lying, deceitful bastards. I just don’t understand what makes people think things like this are okay…like, I don’t know for sure whether she was trying to scam me (most likely) or just being stupid (if you feel like giving her the benefit of the doubt), but either way, it’s a tremendous flaw that seems like it should be handled somehow. I just cannot understand…okay so fine. Let’s say I was not very smart and I gave her a few bucks, or my father gave that guy money. Then what? Then would they have been like, “Yeah, score. I just totally scammed that bitch,”? Just, … no.

Honestly I am not really much of a cynic when it comes to my view on humanity as a whole, and I try to not think too much about these things because I feel it only makes me seem kind of like a tool. But I just think that if people keep being selfish, and keep only doing what is best for themselves, then I do not see a bright future for the world. I am not naive (hm…I don’t know how to get the two little dots on the ”i.’) in that I think that these problems can be solved, but I just think that anything else that is to be done will just be a cure for a symptom, but that nothing will actually be able to fix this. Hopefully, in millions of years (you know, if the world lasts that long) natural selection will have reduced the number of scumbags in the world, and hopefully then everything will be a little brighter. But now? I don’t think there can be any immediate remedy for the ailments of the world. Possibly someone can find some way to ignite a little spark under the American economy, hopefully the expansion of alternative sources will enable such fuel related conflicts to subside, hopefully the gradual waxing of tolerance will help conflicts over discrimination and, well, lack of tolerance die a little, and hopefully the revival of the economy will help create more job opportunities. But I still think that even if what someone may see as a major current problem or flaw is “fixed,” that people will always be selfish and find a way to exhibit that selfishness in a manner that kind of screws everyone else.

I suppose, then, that the name of the game is to just keep afloat for as long as we can. To just keep repairing the surface wounds for as long as we can until that terribly corrupt disease finally dies or consumes.

Pshh…and I said I wasn’t a cynic.

But in all seriousness, this is the reason I do not think I would ever be successful in politics. I just think that all effort will just be a little futile…like, everything will fall apart again anyway? So why help keep everyone afloat? I mean, sooner or later something truly terrible will probably happen as a result of such disgusting selfishness. Then possibly people will learn their lesson. Or it will get all Book of Eli and people will eat one another. But then I guess they’d be gone because they ate one another, right? That’s terrible….oh, God. I had every intention of doing my ANG homework now. Fail. Fail. Fail.

These kinds of things trouble me often, actually. I often wonder just why people are so terrible and what does that to them. I mean I have had a very good life…and I know just how lucky I am. But even if I was dealt a really shitty hand and I just was thrown into terrible situations, I can’t really imagine that I would ever do anything terrible. I think I would still feel the need to be good. I mean, I think I would feel especially compelled to be a good person- I would have nothing if not goodness. Like, even now, if for some reason in the future I just became kind of a mess and I had nothing, all I would have left would be my ability to be a good person.

I don’t know. I guess I am just wired differently than some people. I really should get to work now. Because, you know, I only have two hours left. -__-

Classes and Classy Ladies. (If you think chick mullets, pink hair, tattoos, and suspenders are classy)

Hello, blog. Sorry for the car crash post. That was no fun. However, I did manage to achieve that beautifully purple seatbelt bruise, and I also maintained an incredibly sore neck! You know, purple is my favorite color.

Anyway, I’m totes fine. Seriously. I am lucky- I know I am lucky. I am so, so, so lucky. BUT, let’s get to the fun part of today’s post.

HOMEWORK!

TJK, but I have failed to post about the fact that I began college about 1.5 weeks ago. It’s great so far, but I have completely, 100% ruled out anything in the fields of mathematics or finance. I mean, I knew that before, but I now remember why. (Let’s just say that I have to bring my sewing kit to Microeconomics to pin my eyes open.

Intro to Psych is the best freaking class ever. Seriously- I don’t have to TRY to pay attention. And the teacher is wonderful. I love, love, love this class

Intro to Law is cool, too. Again, the teacher is great, but I’ve only had 2 classes so far (I’ve had 4 psych) so I have to wait to really get into it

Calculus is…calculus. Oh, calculus. I hate math. Yeah…I really, really hate it. I enjoy letting concepts that I don’t understand just stew in my brain for a few minutes, and then I can create some sort of a twisted explanation even if I don’t understand it. Unfortunately, when it comes to math, theres no guessing. There’s no thinking. There’s just drilling concepts into your head until you understand them and they become second nature. I hate math. Although, I need to love it to succeed in this course. So, for the next three months, I LOVE MATH.

Microeconomics = the most boring nemesis in the planet. It’s seriously the most boring topic in the planet, and I hate it so much, but it’s so boring that I can’t really blame the class or the teacher. It’s boring as hell. No, actually in hell there is fire. And fire can be exciting. This is nothing. This is limbo. Microeconomics = limbo.

AP English is okay thus far. But, get this: I read the exact same works in 10th and 11th grade because I transferred, and I am reading the same works AGAIN! AH! This will be interesting though, because I am with a very different dynamic of people, and this class likes to talk. And Oedipus was cool. But we will get through it pretty quickly because, as my teacher said, “How much of murder and incest can we really stand before we just want to get to Frankenstein?” I’m with you, buddy. I’m with you. AND, A Tale of Two Cities is my favorite book ever, and we are reading it this year! Yay! I have read it 2.5 times already, but it’s such an amazing book. So, I don’t really mind. I also already know the answers to all of the teachery questions that will be asked about these books, and I can decode The Canterbury Tales pretty quickly because I already know what they’re about! And, we are reading all the same poetry. This will be fun. Kind of wish I was going to face some forced exposure to new literature, but I guess I can’t really complain.

Scuba doesn’t start until half-semester. And gym is gym.

PART TWO of this post will include more of my latest music obsessions.

Tegan & Sara have been pretty popular on my iPod lately. They’re kind of old news, but I am really liking it lately. Like I said, I go through phases. In this video, Sara is kind of amazing. And IDK WHY all the comments on their videos are for team Tegan! What is up with that?! TEAM SARA FTW. This song is also kind of addicting, and the video is really cool. I don’t really like the suspenders, but to each his own. (her own? WHAT?)

I am still on my Pomplamoose kick. Check out THIS Hail Mary.

OH MY GOD, THIS SONG! I LOVE IT. It’s so, so…SUGARY. It’s like pink and cotton candy and sugar and bubbles (not referring to those of Nicki Minaj) and glitter and ice and more sugar jammed into one addicting song. I know all the words. I am proud of it.

Hmm…idk if I posted this on the last musical update, but I am posting it again incase I haven’t. This song is really nice. She is also the singer of the Jungle Drum song that I posted last time, but this song is less thrumtukatuatukathrumthrum and more “Mama said lift you head from the sieve of your hands.”

OKEEE that’s it for now. I will brush up on my Oedipus and Grapes of Wrath, shower, eat, and sleep. BYE.

!

!

.