SO HEY. It’s been a while. I’m going to college. Shit just got real.
It’s been over (way over) one month since I last posted, and quite a lot has happened in these past weeks. The problem is that I can’t write about most of it. You see, I have pretty strict rules about what kind of gibberish I publicly post on here, and all of the cool stuff falls into the category of “Do Not Post.” So, sorry. Some things are supposed to stay in my head.
However, tons of things that I CAN write about have also happened! Firstly, I spent a week on the Clearwater, and although it was a much different experience from last year, I am still really happy I did it. Then I started watching my cousins in Mt. Kisco and oh dear God they are the best kids in the world. Like, we are most definitely related. It’s really cool…I am so happy to have the chance to make some memories (and pie) with them and give them a super fun summer. So, yes.
I have also been kayaking quite a bit. We have a kayak in Beacon now (surprise surprise) and I absolutely love it… Also, my graduation party is tomorrow, and I am not quite sure if it will be successful or not. I think there are close to 75-80 people coming, and it’s supposed to rain, so I hope everyone will fit inside my house. I mean, I don’t think its physically possible, but I barely passed physics. What do I know?
And Harper is getting pretty big- she is 18 lbs now, and still annoying as fuck. But she’s really such a well behaved dog, I can’t complain. She just smells like a dog. And I don’t like the smell of dog.
OH! And I got my room assignment today. I met someone on Facebook, and we seemed to get along well enough (she’s actually really cool) so we requested one another, and we are together in the hall we wanted, but with two other girls! In temporary housing! With wardrobes and coat racks instead of closets! With two desks and a table! And bunk beds! In the basement! lol…I mean I really don’t give a shit, but it would have been nice to be permanently (well, for the academic year) in a double, not in the basement, with closets and our own desks as was requested, but I am not going to complain. There is no point. We will be moved eventually anyway, so we can just suck it up. And hey, I might even like the basement.
Hahahahaha. Yeah, right.
Seriously though, I keep a legitimate countdown of the days until I can finally just GO. FAR FAR AWAY FROM HERE. (Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far away from here.) I love my family, but I cannot wait to leave them. They are my family. They are great. But they make me insane. And I will be so, so relieved when I can just GO.
I also temporarily dyed my hair purple. I fucking loved it, and so did loads of other people, including my grandmother. However, the only 4 people to not appreciate the wonder that is temporary hair color were my parents and my brothers, so I had to wash it out for my party. I swear….32 days. That’s all I need.
My friend Vero also came to visit NY and we met up this morning and had coffee and went to this awesome store in Beacon called Play, and I bought the sickest pair of earrings. Seriously, it’s the most I have ever spent on jewelry for myself, but I am SO happy I bought them. (That’s the problem with me…I have never experienced the phenomenon of buyer’s remorse. I think I need to sometimes.)
I don’t know how to end this. It was pretty much just a boring, scattered update. So whatever. Bye.
I am going to do something new…I think I am going to create a soundtrack of my life thus far. I know I’ve only been alive for 17.5 years (…almost) but I just think it’s be cool…I have very distinct associations with the memories I have for different times of my life, and I just heard a song that I post about that basically screamed FIFTEEN. Haha…and I already know who are going to be the artists for 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9. I must have been such a pain in the ass now that I think about it…
**I wrote this a little while ago, but I never posted it becauseI never finished it. I am not going to finish it…but I will post what I have. … **
I was thinking today of how little personality quirks can reveal such huge flaws in our character and our abilities. Specifically, me and my hatred of driving. I was driving to school today and I just thought about cars. They’re these huge metal machines that we use to get from point A to point B, and they are never supposed to touch. I was thinking about how strange that seemed, like if these machines touch one another, the owners will probably exchange insurance information. I don’t know…I just found it funny. There was this car on 55 in Poughkeepsie that kept weaving between the lanes, and I just thought about how funny that would look from above. There are all of these big metal machines moving at the same speed in the same direction, but none of them are touching. Then there’s this one dark blue car that is moving a little faster than the rest of them and hopping from lane to lane, not touching a singe car.
I think that might be why driving is so frustrating for me, you never touch anything with your car. Everything else in life touches. Like, people touch, we touch objects, objects touch other objects, people touch cars, but cars do not touch other things. I don’t know…it seems like some kind of abstract irritant that really bothers me. I also just hate driving because I am a terrible driver.
Which brings me to my next point: my lack of direction and inability to drive. I swear, I have never been so bad at anything in my entire life (except maybe dribbling a basketball or hitting a ball with a bat….I suck at those, too.). I just…hate driving. It terrifies me. I don’t care how many tests I have in one day, the most stressful hour of my day is always driving to and from Marist. I am just really really bad at noticing things and forcing myself to focus on the road…I always have to jam on the brakes or I forget to turn on my blinker until the last second or someone beeps at me because I swerve while checking my impossibly huge blind spot. Honestly, until I got into an accident, these things bothered me, but I didn’t freak out so much. Now every time I feel even the slightest bit out of control I flip out and my heart races and my breath quickens and freak out.
And I talk to myself in the car. I didn’t even realize it at first, but then I was passing some sort of roadside construction and I noticed that if those guys saw me talking they would have probably assumed I had bluetooth or something. I also sing a lot, but I get very emotional when I listen to music alone in the car. I think this might be a little inappropriate for a public blog, but I actually start tearing up sometimes just because a certain song is playing on the radio.That’s also probably indicative of a deep seeded psychological problem that I am not dealing with. Oh well.
SPEAKING OF PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS, we learned about the 5 psychosexual stages and everyone started freaking out because everyone has some of those traits or characteristics and they were all agitated about it. I only found one, and it’s that I constantly chew the inside of my mouth. Again, probably too much information for a public blog, but I figure that anyone who is actually reading this either 1) cares about me or 2) is mildly interested in what I have to say, and I don’t mind if anyone who falls into those two categories knows these strange things about me. But yeah…I chew gum all the time, I chew the inside of my mouth, and I talk quite a lot, so the whole oral fixation thing kind of made sense to me. But whatever. I don’t really believe in those theories. Not because of any scientific proof or the incredible insight of a 17-year-old, but because if I did believe that stuff, I would be much more concerned about humanity than I already am. And we don’t need that. Also, it seems more like a habit to me than some part of my personality.
OH. (Rufus.) Another thing. So I was writing a thesis on Adventures of Huckleberry Finn because, you know, I have a thing for all young runaways as that has always been a dream of mine, and I pasted one of my quotes into Google to see what it had to say, and one chick related it to the Occupy movement. I don’t know if I completely agree, but I thought it was funny. I will link it HERE. (The quote I searched was this: “’Must we always kill the people?’ ‘Oh, certainly. It’s best. Some authorities think different, but mostly it’s considered best to kill them.’”) I thought that was funny.
I tend to not talk about politics (actually, I never talk about politics) for two reasons: 1) I don’t really have that much interest in it. 2) I know absolutely nothing about politics or government, at all. Call me an irresponsible citizen or an immature kid, but I just never cared that much about it. I know I should really care about these things, but I don’t. I always wanted to run away to escape the rules, and to just live happily by my lonesome (or, you know, with a friend I guess) in a tree like Sam Gribley or have awesome hair and a raccoon bff like Pocahontas or be an over-sexualized rockstar alla the fifteen-year-old Cherie Currie. These people didn’t give a damn about the rules because they needn’t worry about them to be happy (well, Cherie broke a few…but that’s besides the point). I don’t know…I guess it really is naïve to think like this, but I suppose I just wish that I could live in a world where everyone was good and fair and nice. Yeah, that didn’t sound so bad in my head. But my point is that Sam Gribley didn’t need to worry about the crap that clouds our lives, because it was him and Frightful and a tree and a library, and he was golden. Maybe I really should just go live on a reservation somewhere…
But then, then I think to myself that I would not be contributing what I owe the world. Because I do believe that we do all owe the world something…like if everyone tried to make everyone else’s existence a little better, a little happier, and a little brighter, then we would all be much better off, so I feel like I owe that to the world- to be honest and good and to contribute whatever I am capable of producing. There was some girl in my class today who said that she would never correct anyone at a store for charging her for less than what she really owed (like, forgetting to ring up an item or reducing the price by too much). That’s not what it’s all ABOUT, woman! It’s about being GOOD to everyone else. I mean…come oooooon. To make this world better, we have to be good to one another in even the smallest cases, or else what? What, then, will happen when it comes to true good and evil? “Well, of course. I am one of the good guys.” Then you gotta ACT like one. You have to realize the ideal of what everyone should be, because then wouldn’t the world be such a better place? Call me a crazy hippie but I do believe that love is the answer, you know? Just love everyone else, love yourself, and recognize that everyone needs some love and goodness from YOU. Anyway…before I got to talking about love, I was explaining why I don’t write about politics.
So, yes. I do not care about it, and I do not know anything about it. But, the Occupy movement has actually sparked a little interest with me, so I will write about it I suppose. Why the hell not.
Okay, just bear in mind that I really don’t know anything about politics or the economy (Thus I am struggling quite a bit in micro, but that’s another story…). So this is all from the perspective of someone who really has no idea what she’s talking about…
What I see this as is a load of people who are pissed off, and they feel that they can make a change if they all stick together and “Occupy” Wall Street (or wherever). So, yay. Take a stand, hoorah. Great, so I now know that you’re angry with … ermmm … Wall Street? Who? Okay. Well I guess you can just say the 1% and government for allowing the 1% to become such or whatever. So I answered that question for myself. Okay so I know who you’re pissed AT. What are you pissed about?
Yeah…I don’t know either.
SO…I have no homework. Seriously? SERIOUSLY.
I already had my APUSH exam, so we’ve been watching movies (Forrest Gump, Apollo 13 [Tom Hanks puts the ZING in AMAZING], and movie on Vietnam). Religion…is religion. We already had our Coll. Pre Calc final, and I have mostly seniors in my class and they are pretty much done for the year. Italian is Italian. In English we’re reading Animal Farm and reviewing for the regents, and in physics we’re also just doing regents prep. So…yeah. Life’s good! It’s chill. I sleep A LOT more now, which is good. And today I went to the mall with my mom and Sam to get his hair cut, and when we were walking around we passed the little jewelry kiosk and I asked to get my third hole pierced again! And…my mom said I could. If you don’t recall, I have already had my third hole in my right ear pierced in Lugano, but it was a seriously sketchy place, it only cost me CHF 9, and the chick forgot to put a back on the earring. It then got infected and was always bleeding, so I let it close up. But the places in the mall are pretty legit, so I went and got it pierced! Just the right ear, again. I got a ruby flower…it’s sweet =].
I vow to actually take care of this one because I DO NOT want to relive the pain of last time, and this is the last time I am getting it pierced. My parents just finished redoing our bathroom, so I was able to move all of my things back in there, and the cleaning solution and Q-Tips are staying right next to the sink so I don’t forget.