Tag Archives: bam

Say it with me: Two more weeks.

Spring Jam was actually mildly eventful. I liked it, but it definitely fell a little flat. It’s all cool though. Any weekend involving friends, several forms of ASC, and gyro pizza can’t really be that bad. It was really, really nice outside too. We had absolutely perfect weather – high 70s, strong sun, little humidity, and gentle breeze from the Mississippi. On Wednesday, however, it started snowing. Snowing. A-fucking-gain.

Yeah, he sucked. But it was fun.
This pretty accurately depicts the Saturday of Spring Jam in one picture.


Oh hey snowy campus. In April.
That is snow on my scarf. Snow. Yesterday.




Right now I am eating an apple and sitting in the special seat of the Starbucks on West Bank, and it feels glorious. I am, however, drinking an iced coffee rather than a special latte, because I have $0.08 left on my student account and I now must pay for my own caffeinated beverages. So I go with coffee.

I didn’t have to work yesterday because it was the deadline for confirming admission, so I went to a different yoga class. I had never had this instructor before, and I am actually ridiculously sore right now. The guy that was next to me was completely covered in tattoos from the knees up, and he had a red mohawk. I don’t know what it is about tattooed guys and yoga, but when you put them together, I find it curiously attractive in a very hipster sort of way. Now that I think about it, maybe that’s why I’m so sore. Nothing drives us quite like trying to impress attractive strangers. Especially tattooed-yoga-doing ones. Maybe that’s why I pushed myself so hard yesterday. Hmm. Curious.

Although, I did get super dizzy and I started seeing spots while in this one position. BUT I DID NOT GIVE UP. I have to say, though, I am really proud of the progress I’ve made in terms of my strength and ability to control my body. The yoga instructor always walks around during class, and she helps the “advanced” people get into the more difficult poses. I can proudly say that last week, the instructor came over to help me. I had such a huge, dumb, sweaty smile on my face.



My beautiful yoga studio. Which was formerly a coffee shop where Bob Dylan frequently performed. True story.



I’m going to reveal a bit of my inner flower child here, but practicing yoga really is so underrated. I think what I find so impressive about it is that it encourages a mentality of building strength and physical awareness without someone screaming at me. Like, whenever I was rowing or running or anything, I would listen to super high-energy music that usually involved someone screaming to get “pumped up” and encourage myself to go HAM on dat erg (or dat road, whatever). But there’s something really cool about being like, “Nah, dude. Just chill and be strong. Calm down and just be cool.” I don’t know why I like it so much, but it’s like rather than getting all worked up and cray on the treadmill and beating yourself to death, it’s like finding strength and health and well-being in the effort and really focusing on your body and how it’s functioning. It also makes me think a lot more carefully about what I eat…like it makes me more aware of my body on all accounts. I like it. You should try it. The best part is that everyone can do it in one way or another, and if you can do it, then you can benefit from it.


Me, as I appear while writing this.



I am two papers, one essay, one problem set, and two exams away from summer. As excited as I am for the summer and to be free of exams for a little while, it will also be kind of sad. I’m going to be away from Minneapolis for over 3 months…That’s a very long time. No doubt, this summer is going to be amazing, and I will get my fix of the Hudson Valley. But this is very much my home now, and I will miss it.

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MIKA

I decided that I am not going to sleep tonight. I am riding a high. I am riding a wave, and hopefully it can take me through the ridiculous list of shit that I have to do. Tonight I will sail through it. Fasho.

I saw Mika perform earlier tonight. It was an incredible experience. As we were leaving, my friend said, “I just feel so…MOVED.” And moved I felt.

There was so much love in that room. Even that annoying chick behind me who kept screaming off key and the really tall bald guy in front of me were just feeling the love. So much LOVE.

And Mika is Mika. He’s…what I hope I can be like. As in I hope my presence can evoke the kind of feeling in other people that his presence evokes within me.

I don’t know if this is the case for the rest of my fellow human beings, but live music is kind of my kick. It’s what makes my heart pitter patter. It makes me smile…like actually smile. It connects me to everything else, and feeling connected is such a good feeling. One of my strengths is Connectedness. Concerts recreate my connectedness.

I think my favorite part of that performance is that he completely made his songs magical with a strictly acoustic set. Which is awesome, because he uses tons of synth and electronica beats in most of his music, but everything he did was stil oh so very MIKA.

Because I feel so awesome right now, I will shower, then write an essay, make a presentation, write another essay, and dance. I am going to get the keys to a study room and dance. Mmmm. Dancing.





This song reminds me of what is important. TO DANCEDANCEDANCE.



Emily, can’t you write a happy song

Get your ass to number one
You could try a little harder
Emily, you could be a millionaire
But you’re so full of hot air
Gonna end up like your father
Emily, you can’t leave your life to chance
Get a boy and learn to dance
Be a girl like any other
Emily, are you stuck up? Are you gay?
If you are, well that’s ok
Cause it doesn’t even matter
Emily

Emily, it’s your life and you can’t live it twice

One day you’ll understand and then you’ll take my hand
Emily, I love you, and I know you do too
You never make no sense, screaming at me in French
Pourquoi tu gâches ta vie?
Pourquoi tu gâches ta vie?
Shut up listen to me, dance with me Emily
Pourquoi tu gâches ta vie?
Pourquoi tu gâches ta vie?
Shut up listen to me, dance with me Emily

Emily, you got so much in your life

Me I got no one’s advice
Don’t you know you got it easy
Emily, what you smoking, what’s that stench
Who you screaming out in French
Did you really think you had me
Emily, that’s enough, do as you’re told
Acting like you’re eight years old I give up it’s not worth trying
Emily, one day I will end up dead
That’s the only thing I’ve said
That will ever get her smiling, Emily

Emily, live your life in a balloon

Lock yourself up in your room
So the world can never reach ya
Emily, am I’m speaking Japanese
Got me falling on my knees,
Got me praying to Saint Peter
Emily, see the price I have to pay
I would give my life away
If I knew that I could reach ya
Emily, why you make this hard to me
It’s not the way it’s meant to be
I don’t never wanna hate ya

Sharing Is Caring

There are two things that I need to tell you about. Because they both help me be … something.
Number one: JennaMarbles. I know that not everyone thinks her videos are as hilarious as I do, but I still don’t think you can argue with anything that she has to say. She is honestly one of the most logical, cool, level-headed YouTubers I have seen, and I think she’s absolutely hysterical. Everything she says is expressed so clearly and she seems to really just get it, and I admire that so, so much. Here are some of her videos that I like the most:
This one is really great. My roommates will find this one particularly suitable for me. I think it’s true, by the way. I think “girls are just majestic creatures,” and I feel for anyone who can’t appreciate that. “Sorry that I appreciate greatness, and … that I’m electric. BOOM. Can’t argue with that.” No, JennaMarbles, you can’t. And that’s why I love you. Level 1: Lady Gaga/JennaMarbles (for reals). Level 2: Beyonce. Level 3: Ellie Goulding/Kristen Stewart/Mila Kunis. “I can’t tell if I wanna be you, or be on you. Can I just fucking stare at you until I figure it out?”
This one is just hilarious. “This particular brand of flour is good because it’s white like Jesus…But we’re not going to crack the eggs because that’s abortion.”
So is this. “Oh my God KELLY! It’s our song! Our song is on!” 
As is this one. “If your bra and your underwear match each other every day, you need to sit down with yourself and really think about your priorities.”
This one is funny too. Pitbull is sad.
This one resulted in the creation of the game Dealers of Catan. You only need one whore and one bong to build a brothel. Who knew?
THANK YOU JENNAMARBLES. Nice guys DO NOT FINISH LAST. However, assholes and lazy douchebags do.
Number two: AnythingCould Happen by Ellie Goulding. I like pop music. I mean, you know, I like other stuff too…but I definitely like pop music and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. And this song. My. God. I have no idea what it is, but I am completely obsessed with it. The first time I heard it I was in the car with my brothers and my mom and I was just like whoa. It was so intense.
Every once in a while I will hear a song that creates this foreign feeling of happiness and elation and hope and magic, and I felt it the first time I heard this song. I also felt it when I saw Rufus Wainwright perform Hallelujah and Owl City perform….everything. The first time I felt it, I was around 12 years old, and I was lying in bed with my fountain running, candles burning, a cup of tea, and Anuna playing on my iHome, just sitting in my bed and thinking about things. It’s a really personal feeling that I have never heard anyone else try to describe. It feels as if something inside of me is literally changing and growing and moving and glowing and this magical energy is just coursing through my veins. I now realize that it sounds a little weird when I try to describe it, but it’s an odd experience that I felt the first time I heard this song. The lyrics are not particularly awesome, but it was just something about that song and how I felt when I heard it that has made me decide to share it with you. So, consider it shared.

"Valley Through The Middle of My Skull"

(To achieve the full effect of this post, listen to THIS SONG continuously while reading this. It’s what I listened to the entire time while I wrote it. Just sayin.)

I have discovered a secret. Do you want to know what it is? Assuming you do (well, one should never assume. after all, it makes an ASS out of U and ME), I will tell you. But remember…it’s a secret. Between you, and me. Whoever you are…

I know how to be the best person ever. I am obviously not that person, but I think I know how to be that person. I do…because I have met a few people like this in my short 16 years of life. And, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about this, and I have discovered something that no one has ever told me before. This secret is one of the few original ideas I have ever had, because usually, the ideas were planted by someone else and kind of just brewed in my head. But this one, I thought of all by myself.

Now, this could all be terribly wrong, but that’s okay. I don’t mind being wrong so much as I mind not admitting that I’m wrong. Here’s what I am thinking…

So, consider this for a second: How do you judge people? Like, what about people do you dislike? What kinds of people do you dislike? What personality traits do you despise? What religions do you think are stupid? What kinds of people do you find unattractive? Do you dislike rebels who don’t follow the rules? Do you dislike those who follow the rules? Do you dislike people who wear too little clothes? Do you dislike people who are always covered from head to toe? Do you dislike people who smoke? Do you dislike people who don’t care about their grades? Do you dislike people who only care about their grades? Do you dislike people who have tattoos? Do you dislike people who a tall? Short? Fat? Skinny? Do you dislike people who do not wear any make up? Do you dislike people who have dyed their hair every color of the rainbow?

*Now, it is important that I point out that the questions do not ask “Do you dislike tattoos?” It asks, “Do you dislike people who have tattoos?” Big difference.*

But, I was thinking about this in that what kinds of people to whom we limit ourselves, and how that affects who we will become.

I see it as this- if you think that you don’t like people who do certain things, then you are judging them. You may not even know the person at all, but by just looking at them or hearing them, you dislike them. (not to say you should judge the person even if you did know them, but hopefully that was understood) Since you judge people so easily, you will subconsciously assume that others will be equally as judgmental in regards to you. Therefore, you will never take a chance and do something outside of yourself in fear of being judged by others, which is no way to live. You will never do something outside of your imaginary boundaries because someone may think that it is “bad” or “stupid” (yes, I dug those fancy words out of my oh so eloquent second grade vocabulary) or “wrong” or “tacky” (a little better? no? shut up.).

I was considering this because of my newfound contentment with not having any super close friends at Lourdes. I do whatever the hell I want and say whatever I want whenever I want to. (although I don’t do or say things that would get me in trouble…I am referring to conversations with my peers. no sense in risking expulsion. although……… ! ………nahhhh) It really is quite nice. Being able to roam around and look how I want and say as I please, without having the influence of someone else’s thoughts in my head. I was wondering why I felt this way, and why I never felt this way before. And I realized that I have stopped judging people, because I don’t care anymore. I don’t really care what you do or say, but I will still like you and talk to you unless you are a truly cruel person (unfortunately, there are a few…). I don’t care about creating a new “BFF,” so I don’t feel the need to filter the parts of myself that someone would disagree with or dislike, and I don’t care about filtering others for the parts of them that I dislike because I don’t have to like everything about them, so I do. Make sense? I hope so.

Therefore, I am obviously I am not mean, because I am not judging anyone and therefore have nothing bad to say. SEE HOW THIS WORKS?! It’s an endless circle of happiness and contentment. (like, puppies and kittens and rainbows and unicorns and cotton candy and Tabasco and old men smoking pipes. except not at all.) I love it.

(Damn, whyyyy am I writing this? I would say it’s because I have I have too much time on my hands, but I really don’t. It’s just late and these thoughts have been bouncing around in my brain all week.)

I then realized that this also means that not only are all of the doors of opportunity now opened, but that you can knock down the whole damn wall, blow up the ceiling and just do ANYTHING. Obviously we all have a standard of morals to follow, but I mean this in the sense that we won’t be AFRAID to do things. I don’t do the right thing because of fear of punishment; I do it because it’s the right thing to do, it would create more unnecessary evil in the world, and I would be forever regretful that I did that truly horrible thing.

To circle back to the whole concept of not judging people: I know someone like this. She is someone who literally judges no one. Literally…no one. I am very touchy about absolute words like “never” and “no one” and “always,” but this person NEVER judges ANYBODY. And, therefore, she never stops herself from doing something because of fear of judgment. Fear of things like, you know, being killed, is another story. Obviously that will stop you from doing things that are truly life threatening. But otherwise . . . fear of judgement should never stop you.

Three awesome quotes just popped into my head.

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” AMEN, FDR (and, yes, I had to Google who said that). That is so true in every way except that I am also afraid of dying. Maybe I shouldn’t be afraid of dying, but I am, and I think that’s a healthy fear…it keeps you sane (yes, I am just trying to justify my own fear here. sorry.). But it’s true…and I think so many people have lost sight of the fact that we are all stupid humans. We all are born, and then we just roam around the planet, and then we die. We are not very significant, and nor will the planet cease to exist when we do. The world will keep spinning. So, why are we so afraid of so many things? I think one killer is the fear of rejection. We are so afraid of rejection from so many people…our parents, our friends, those people who we want to be our friends, our love interests, our teachers, and some even fear rejection from universities, that many of us don’t take a chance or risk rejection and just drown in our own fear of “losing.” But you also have to remember that if you are doing something that truly makes you happy, then those who truly love you will not reject you or judge you. That is actually a lovely segue (sp?) to the next quote…

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” (I actually knew that Dr. Seuss said that, no Google required.) So, those who truly love you and to whom you “matter” won’t judge you if you are doing what truly makes you happy. I love Dr. Seuss. This quote is so fitting.

I have a terrible habit of interrupting others when they speak, but even worse- I interrupt myself. All the time. My brain switches gears without telling me what the hell is going on. Sorry.

My brain took a little detour from that lovely person who exemplifies the quality I am writing about now. ANYWAYY, she never judges anyone, regardless of any factor that separates them from the rest of the population. And when I say NEVER, I mean it. Because she doesn’t do so, she is never afraid to do anything that will make her happy because of what ANYONE else will think. Granted, she wouldn’t be truly happy if certain people disagreed with her decision because she would be making them unhappy, and therefore she would be unhappy for their unhappiness, but it’s not because they are judging her, it is because she doesn’t want to make them unhappy because she cares about them. (I AM GOING CRAZY. feel free to stop reading now, if you haven’t already. this is just becoming more and more senseless.)

The whole point to this is that I think if people were to stop judging one another, then everyone would be much happier. I know it sounds like such a cliché, but I think my twisted logic brings a whole new meaning to it (for me, at least).

And, my third and last relevant quote: “Meglio un giorno da leone che cento da pecora.” (at least, I am pretty sure that’s it…) This never really worked its way through the wheels in my head. It always stopped at the comparison of only living one day compared to one hundred (my fear of time, and dying…) but now I finally understand it. To me, it means to be FIERCE (yes, this post was for you,SALT WATER, remember?) and fearless rather than shying away from life when it attacks you. (When I picture life attacking me, I see the green Hulk throwing images that represent all of my problems at me. hahaha. I am definitely drowning in the depths of my thoughts. ehhh.) Be the lion.

Ohhh no, I am not done yet. I just decided to continue. Why are you still reading this? I think you may have something better to do. Clean your room, do your homework, make dinner, watch some L&O, something, anything. I think you’re wasting your time by reading this. Still here? Okayyy…suite yourself.

Think of the people in your life who you know judge people, all the time. We all have those people in our lives who are constantly criticizing others and putting them down. Now look at their life. In my case, at least, they all live pretty dull lives. They dress like everyone else, they act like everyone else, they don’t display even the most mildly unique of qualities, and they usually try to act like the furthest thing from what others may see as strange or negatively different. That…is what I hope to never become. That one who is afraid, and that one who won’t take a risk. And, no, I am not judging those who are afraid of being judged. Just observing, right? Right.

In conclusion, I know nothing. So, rather than leaving you with the link to my new favorite song (the John Mayer version, mind you. I think there are at least 3 or 4 versions, and I think Bruce Springsteen is the original, not sure though), I will leave you my favorite line of the lyrics.

“Sometimes it feels like someone took a knife baby
Edgy and dull and cut a six-inch valley
Through the middle of my skull”

Why did you read that whole post? Tell me in the comment section.

I am so deeply sorry,
INDIGO

Brace & Holyweek

Okay, so yesterday after school, my knee hurt soo bad…it was crazy painful. And when it wasn’t painful, it just felt extremely weird and kinda, like, just not right. So after mom picked me up from drama, she got me a knee brace and it felt soo much better. It’s like a miracle. Seriously. Part one of post…finite.

Part two: So now you all know that I’m going to see the Pope on April 19th..Correctomundo? Si. Anywayy, our Church also recieved tickets that they gave away based on lottery, but those tickets are for the Mass in Yankee Stadium. And guess who won some of those tickets? The five of us! And guess when it is? No, not the 19th, that would be bad because that would mean we had two Popes. And we haven’t had multiple Popes since St. Catherine of Sienna begged and pleaded the 2 fake French Popes to stop being the “Pope” and the real Pope to return to Rome. Anywayy…it’s the 20th! I’m going to see the Pope two days in a row! How RIDICULOUSLY cool is that? I’ll tell you how COOL! Wayy kool! And that will kinda be my new definition for “Holy Week.” Get it? hehe